How I am feeling today
Honestly, this fucking sucks and I am filled with regret. I tell myself repeatedly to just get through a week and then a month, but I don't want to. I can feel myself dying, physically and emotionally. Retreating into a familiar pain in an unfamiliar landscape. There is no one here for me. No one to talk to by myself. No one to laugh with, or cry. Everything is inaccessible and I need help. Why did I run away? What am I running from? Would it be different in a city full of distractions? I don't have options; I can’t leave. I want to be at home but do I really even know what that would look like, home?
Day 2–3: Arriving in Malaga was nice; a familiar airport and climate. It took a while for the uber to come, and I waited patiently still feeling extraordinarily sick to my stomach. My teeth and jaw hurt, my muscles sore. A nightmare of physical symptoms. The airbnb was right in…