I got drunk last night. I talked with Kayleigh for hours; I stayed up late. I had empanadas, a gin tonic, a shot of j&b, and a few beers. I woke up today at 8 am to construction noise, or at least that’s what I think it was, and then…

Woke up early today to catch the bus to Almeria where I’d take a connecting train to Granada. Felt surprisingly not awful this particular morning which is good as I’d have basically no food for a good long while. The bus was uneventful, as was the train. Long stretches across…

The idea of food is revolting. People eat around me and I want to gag. I haven’t known what it’s like to feel well in some time. This is the worst it’s been in a while. I’m so homesick I’m actually sick to my stomach. My jaw is tight, my…

Today I finally visited the little town where my school of employment is supposed to be. I took a taxi there and a bus back. I missed the bus there. What a drag. The place was even more empty than El ejido or Almerimar and much smaller as well. There…

I am not writing this the day of or even the day after. I think I’m 3 days behind now, so pardon the lack of detail. I believe i got up late again and really just walked around. Later i visited Almerimar which is a touristy area nearby. Everything was…

Day 4, saturday, September 23rd: I woke up when my alarm went off, 9 AM. I went back to sleep until around 11. I tried to get up, and my stomach began to hurt a lot. I spent the next few hours on and off the toilet, both trying not…

Honestly, this fucking sucks and I am filled with regret. I tell myself repeatedly to just get through a week and then a month, but I don't want to. I can feel myself dying, physically and emotionally. Retreating into a familiar pain in an unfamiliar landscape. There is no one here for me. No one to talk to by myself. No one to laugh with, or cry. Everything is inaccessible and I need help. Why did I run away? What am I running from? Would it be different in a city full of distractions? I don't have options; I can’t leave. I want to be at home but do I really even know what that would look like, home?

Day 2–3: Arriving in Malaga was nice; a familiar airport and climate. It took a while for the uber to come, and I waited patiently still feeling extraordinarily sick to my stomach. My teeth and jaw hurt, my muscles sore. A nightmare of physical symptoms. The airbnb was right in…

Day 1: The trip begins with leaving my parents at the airport, a difficult task. As I walked away from them, I could barely hold in the tears. I passed security and went through to the lounge where I had a beer then proceeded to order a J&B and ginger…