I hope it's satisfying that I still can’t sleep that is the impact you've had Your image colonizes my brain cell by cell warm and conflicted Regret, angst, longing, nostalgia under your control I miss you but it's unsatisfying I’m grateful and hurt and part of me is ok with…

red wine, I’m high, your smiling. A lot You laugh. You just exude happiness all the more impressive because I know it’s not easy how do You make it look easy it’s like drugs I, still at times, get nervous around You anxiety born from disbelief I don’t know what…

I want to tell you something but I’m afraid you’ll realize my nightmare the worst case I wrote that stanza, just above, 8 months ago it still haunts me I wanted to tell you I loved you Each time we parted on the phone or in person, or just said…

if it helps to know I’ll do my best not to let you get to me but you will and I’ll think of nice things and doing them for and with you bottles of wine too late at night darts I'm shit at darts unplugging the string lights the old…

emptiness and something else emptiness generally apt a fair description my emotions grey beige shifting slowly from almost one to almost another and, splash a ripple here a ripple there things still hurt but the colors are brighter more full living not hollow I'm reeling but still I maintain a…

like when the music cuts out in a movie and the camera zooms in on one character's face just as they are having some important thought we hear it narrated that kind of stop for no reason maybe as a result of tiredness exhaustion which I didn't earn sometimes it…