I don’t want them back. They were always Yours.

codependency sounds like a bad word. It sounds undesirable. And yet, we willingly put ourselves into positions of codependency as people. Romantic love is intentional codependency just as friendships are, but friendships are not as tenuous. We do this to spread the load. To make life a team sport. It’s a pretty thought.

It feels like addiction too. The flip side of the coin. Just as I am irritable and singularly focused on a drug when I do not have it, so am I with respect to those I love.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder. A common sentiment. It holds true for me, personally. The images of the people I love ascend to new plateaus in my mind when they are not around. And why not think of them so highly? They deserve it.

They deserve the world, so I give it to them in my head. Wiping clean those unsavory memories that could mar their otherwise perfect images. I count on these projections, these ideal-peers. They motivate me, they remind me of my value. They keep me alive, becuase I cannot see myself in the way I see them, but they can. A shared burden of varying weight.

Romance adds a new dimension, a feeling of life or death importance. Making impossible the act of scrutiny towards a partner. You love me therefore you are without flaws. Blindness. A codependency that takes your eyes and replaces them with proverbial flowers and butterflies. What do I need my eyes for? I have you. What do I need negative thought for; I have you. The perfect solution. A stroke of genius only possible through nature. I have no eyes, and I don’t want them back. I like the flowers. If those eyes return, so do their burdens. You can keep them, they were always yours.

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Spencer Healy

Spencer Healy

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I go to university, I’m a struggling optimist. some of these are proper narrative pieces and some are more poetry, others lean towards stream of consciousness.