torture

trade

compromise

false hope

daily reminders of my state

or lack thereof

today it’s physical

palpable

my back fucking hurts

no heavy lifting

at least not tangibly

my stomach fucking hurts

a cocktail

medicine aided by another medicine

or so i try to convince myself

the numbers don't lie

medicine and therapy

together at last

to no avail it seems

I'm hurting

it's just different from the raw format

of the years before now

coping “unaided”

this isn't better

Each day i work to convince myself

looking for benefit

as yet unfound

my neck fucking hurts

Sitting still has given way

to unbearable restlessness

a foot taps

i never did that before

A new tendency towards crying

easier than ever

and to no avail

relief is a sham

some days I lie to myself

“it's just in your head”

ha, no kidding

where else would it be

Major depression

at this point

from my naïve perspective

feels like a personality trait

in my psychology classes

we learned that personality

is nearly impossible to influence

so here's hoping