Working Title

Will this be cohesive? Let’s see.

I’m sitting on the beach. It’s 3 pm. I have a frigid glass of ice water next to me. There is no one in sight for miles. And to my surprise, I am playing a guitar. Classically necessary also is the ever-present joint in my mouth.

*Alarm Blares*

I’m up. I’m up. Yesterday’s clothes aren’t dirty. They’ll do. Time to go to school. What day is it? This day is feeling long already and it's ten-fifteen in the morning. I’ve been awake for less than two hours.

Is there gas in my car? Better be enough to get there. Breakfast today or should I try and rush to get to class on time? Decision made, no breakfast, I tell myself I’ll get a coffee later. Homework is done, but I’m unprepared for discussion of the material if it goes any deeper. Would you look at that, the professor wants me to answer a specific question with a specific historical person’s name. I don’t know it but I know what they are historically significant for so I wiggle out of it, successful for now.

Class is over.

Should I eat? I should eat. What to eat. I’ll eat later.

Homework for tomorrow hangs over me so that comes before food. Ah, this shit is so boring, what the fuck am I even reading anymore. Time to have spiraling thoughts about the value of academia in my life and whether or not it should have a major role in my “career” plans. I should have put those quotation marks on the word plans instead of career.

Drive home. The gas light is on, whatever. I think maybe there is a chance my Spotify discover weekly could show me a song I've never heard that I may like soI’ll put that on for the drive. Some days it does, some it doesn’t. Each week I listen.

My head is nodding pretty hard to this song, I think I’ll save you.

The fridge is full but my desire to eat has gone. Back to required reading. I should be running. It’s too hot and I haven’t even eaten today; running is not what I need.

• I'm realizing now that I haven’t mentioned any interpersonal interaction yet, coincidentally I may think about this topic at around the same point chronologically that this aside is located thematically.

Is this getting unintelligible yet? Good

It's about 5 or 6 pm now and I’ve squeezed just about all the academic effort I can out of myself. I have a test tomorrow or the next day but I’ll do fine, nothing has ever proven that to be untrue so I can skip studying relatively confidently. Cooking time.

Dinner, lunch? Feels like lunch. I think I’ll make a sandwich with every ingredient I could possibly use on it. Steak, onions, cheese, pepper, make a sauce maybe? It’s either that or I don’t eat and save that dinner hungriness for around 9:30 when I smoke some mid-grade pot.

Food made. Are the roommates watching a movie or a show I could join in on? I hope so, but hope has failed. So there I sit outside or in the living room eating a bowl of something or a sandwich invariably, mildly stoned, to the tune of a half-decent educational youtube video. This video sucks, next. This one sucks too, finally some good fucking content. This time period or stage is marked by intentional self-distraction.

Am I in the mood for sweets? of course, I literally always am. Time to go through the mental checklist for desserts I want to eat in reference to what baking materials are currently in the apartment. Yep, classic, almost everything necessary to make whatever item I want excluding one to two major ingredients. I’ll successfully substitute them about 85% of the time. The other fifteen percent kinda suck, but it is hard to not enjoy recipes made with a cup or more of sugar.

Apartment smells good. Slight tinge of pride.

If I haven't already had a drink with dinner, nows the time to start drinking. Wine if I have it, whatever else if not. Beer with dinner is a go-to. I’m probably out of wine and drinking miscellaneous liquor with an equally random mixer. C’est la vie.

No alcohol, no problem… most days. “Most days” here implies the days where there is some cannabis in the house in which case the hole left by alcohol is similarly filled with a joint or an adjacent method of smoking. That’s nice, my back and neck don't hurt as much, it's all the difference I need it to make.

Not high anymore, at this point, I have usually either committed to not smoking anymore or to smoking again, I'm generally not very indecisive. Smoked again, hey that’s nice. Didn’t smoke again, bedtime, out in under 15 minutes usually. Sleep is the only thing that's unequivocally worth my time. Sleep is simultaneously my least favorite and favorite activity as it actively robs me of my time alive while, well, actively robbing me of my time alive. Like how a break at work reminds you are at work even though you aren’t working.

Dreams: Bonus Round

I have a bunch of dreams, all bad, maybe not all bad but bad in general. Recently my legs are really sore in my dreams making it harder to run from those pursuing me, other times it’s a death in the family, maybe even more abstract stuff where other peoples’ pain is my problem. I take it all with a grain of salt because after having so many intense dreams of this sort I have subconsciously developed a coping mechanism where at a certain threshold of distress I realize I'm dreaming and then immediately relax, often while remaining in the dream, other times waking up soon after.

Alright well, that was my day, hope yours was better.